To Teach or Not to Teach

That's indeed the question. It's a nice job, but organizing is a bitch. I'll say it once again: organizing is a bitch! It's so hard to get these people to move, makes me feel like I don't wanna put any more energy into it. So I don't. If you chase two rabbits, you'll lose them both. I'm just gonna do my own stuff and do the yoga workshops for whoever wants to come.

There's no pizza to be delivered here, nobody wants it so I'm not gonna keep telling people how nice and tasty it is. No, instead, I'm gonna eat it myself and enjoy. Besides, people like pasta ala stevo more than pizza ala Art of Living around here. Maybe back in Holland I'll have more luck. Obviously I'm doing something wrong here.

I remember when I came here in Dresden I had big dreams; I wanted to get together with the yes+ group from last time, have fun, and inspire them to do some PR with their friends and relatives. To get people through their social networks and organize a big course with 30-50 people. That's how I imagined it to be. But it wasn't that easy; I had to do everything myself, barely got any assistance with whatsoever. And since conventional methods have such little results, I felt my efforts were wasted and became lazy.

Most people say this is the point where you have to keep going. For me this is the point to reflect on what I'm doing and find another way, cause what I was doing so far obviously didn't work. I'm a man of efficiency and I don't want to waste a single breath on bad tactics. I like to keep going when I know there's gonna be result. I find it hard to surrender to faith without any rational backup. I have faith in many things, because I have a good idea of how things work, and after that it's just Jai Gurudev. Let go, and let be.

But without clever thinking, I find it extremely hard to have faith in actions. Maybe this is just something I have to cross, my learning point. Who knows, I suppose my music efforts will prove to be a good learning class for this. So what did I learn then in YWC? Many things, but I still feel like I learned nothing. It's a strange feeling, being full and empty at the same time. I'm completely changed from before in a very good way, and at the same time I'm completely the same. Was it worth it? Definitely, without a doubt! But I feel like I'm only at the beginning of a very long learning curve.

I suppose that's a good thing; if I would've been done with learning at age 22, what am I gonna do with the rest of my life? I'm still looking for something that I can give my heart to. Organizing isn't it, even for Art of Living. Convincing other people is one of the things I hate doing the most. I've spent my past 10 years convincing people of my beliefs, and in this year I realized that it's all bullshit. I still think about life, but just for myself. Everyone has to walk their own path, see the things they have to see, and think for themselves.

Of course I'll gladly share whatever I have with whoever is interested, that is definitely not in question. But this is not my responsibility. Or at least, I'm not taking it as my responsibility. People will have to put effort themselves if they wanna learn something new. It's a new attitude, a new kind of service. I just radiate, vibrate myself, and whoever is attracted can take whatever one wants to take; it's a like a big buffet. I don't need anything in return, I just want to give, but only to those who want to receive. And I'm not gonna put my energy anywhere else.

Because I do believe the shit will hit the fan for many people in the near future. I could say "told you so" but that's not gonna solve anything. It is at that time when the earth shakes that we start waking up. Who knows, some people die in their sleep. Whether that's a pleasant death or not doesn't matter. Let them die. They can continue their path in the next life.

It's a new attitude of self centered serving. I have so many things to do for me, I don't have time to tell other people what to do! Let me reap the fruits and I will see the truths; one of my lines. I mean that for me to grow, I have to reap my own fruits, and then people can see the beauty of blossoming. I think this is the key.

If I give someone a seed and tell them it's gonna turn into a beautiful tree, then how many people will trust me and commit that much time and effort to grow their tree? Very few; only the faithful, or the stupid. What I have to do, is to grow my roots deep, and my tree tall, and let it blossom in all it's beauty. Then people will see and ask: "How did you do that?", "Where did you get that from?". With such a picture in mind it's not very hard to commit yourself to a new path.

So the goal is clear; let's bake myself a nice big pie, and share it with whoever wants a piece. It's like I do my pasta ala stevo's; they're always a success. Socratez will serve food for your mind.