A Revelation

Today was an amazing day, truly amazing. I must say that our teacher for the blessing course, I hope I spell her name right, Rajshri, is a brilliant woman. We had these meditations and after that she was talking about all the underlying frustrations and agitations our group was suffering from.
I knew exactly what she meant, because I've been amazed at times how people could still be so stressed out and frustrated about small things while you're here, doing kriya everyday and meditating in such a lovingly enviroment. It's all about letting go of feelings and emotions, allowing them to pass through your body so they won't get stuck, so you won't get stuck.

Then she emphasized the importance of our exercises and how we are so fortunate to know this at such an early age. She pointed out all the adult people who are so stuck with their feelings and emotions at a later age. I was thinking to myself that I already see young people stuck with themselves, imagine the misery when they grow older, after losing their youth.
Whoever said that life is a suffering, it was probably one of those people.
Anyway, then me, being the smartass, pointed out that I felt much better now than I did when I was 16. Then she lashed out at me and said I was one of the cockiest people around here and she asked the whole class to raise their hand if they found me arrogant.
I think about 80% raised their hands. I smiled.
After that she chewed me out a bit more, but it was nothing I couldn't handle, and that was exactly why she picked on me at that moment. I thought she was just frustrated or something, but she actually used me to vent out some of the frustrations that were distorting the entire group.
This she told me after the process around dinner time, when I came to her and asked for clarification. I completely understand why she did it and also the message she was trying to get across to me personally. You might have read in previous posts that now and then I would make fun of some people's behaviour because I thought they were missing the point.
What she wants me to do is to share my knowledge and help people grow, instead of just observing the circus and making it a private comedy show for myself. This also explains wh 80% of the people thought I was arrogant, because I don't experience myself as such, and neither did she.
Think about it, you do something and some guy starts laughing at you, you don't feel being taken seriously and it seems as if he thinks he's better than you. I must say that my intention was to make a point everytime I would criticize something with humor, but it's very unclear to people who are not on that same level. That's why August was the only guy who was always laughing with me about the jokes I made in these kind of contexts.
We just isolated ourselves from the group, observed and made fun of the chaos that was happening, cause we saw what was going on, and the people involved were just getting carried away by their emotions and reactiveness.

So I learned something very valuable today, I need to share more of myself to help people grow. After all, this is an important reason why I joined this program, to help people grow. It's so amazing, she really gave me a wonderful insight. I thanked her sincerely.
It must run in the family, she's alwesome, Kamlesh is awesome. I'm very grateful that these 2 are teaching me here, because they're the kind of teachers I need. Direct and merciless, yet with love and compassion. It's not so far from my own personality, maybe that's why!

That's all for tonight, I'll be on my way to Holland within 24 hours. Gonna get some sleep, rehearse more tomorrow and then it's time to kick ass...for 15 minutes hahaha.
But really, it's quite an opportunity, performing in front of about 1000 people. If you would've told me this a year ago I would've laughed in your face. One of the best things in life is suprising yourself again and again, so try out new things, don't be scared to chase your dreams and for the love of God, don't let anybody tell you that you can't do it.

Socratez out.

Talking Talking Talking Talk

...Baby let's just knock it off.

What? Oh just a random line from Heartless by Kanye West. He's not really emphasizing the point that I'm trying to make, cause it's this broken love song as I call it.

No I'm talking about talking in general, to girls.

I've learned more about women in 2 weeks than I did in the rest of my entire life. Most importantly, I learned that talking is often a waste of time and it's only gonna make you crash and burn. You see, talking is nice to make jokes and build some shallow rapport, but other than that it's really not gonna get you anywhere.

Ofcourse some guys will argue that you got close to your friends by talking to them and hanging out and that's so true, but then that's what you'll be; her friend!

All of men know that we don't wanna be friends, we wanna be lovers. Man I could go on about this for a while, but right now I simply don't have the time to do it. 

Anyway, to share about the blessing course that started a few days ago. This is fun! We did the most funny process ever: sharing our sexual fantasies. I heard some weird shit, but it's alright, this process is just about sharing yourself and cleaning your mind by doing it.

But I myself had lots of fun while doing it, I was suprisingly one of the only people who actually used the word fuck. I don't understand, everyone was talking about connecting, but you can't connect if you don't fuck her first! 

Heh, I remember after the process we had to share how we experienced it. I stood up, said that one guy hadn't shared yet and pointed at Isaac. Then I said something along the lines of "he would like a nicely tanned monkey girl who brings him a banana to bed....and then fuck her brains out!" - that was so not appreciated!

I was cracking up though, self amusement to the max. Some people started laughing but quickly stopped when they realized that it was so unappropiate. But that's why it was so funny.

I know that August would've laughed his ass off next to me, it's a shame I can't share this kind of humor with people here anymore. 

On another note, I'll be performing in Baarlo, Holland on the 2nd of May, probably in the morning or afternoon. It'll be short, but it'll be worth it for sure!

So see you there, you know who you are!

First Blood

So yesterday we had our first performance at the local Russian community center in Dresden.
It wasn't as grand as I would've liked to imagine, but a leader doesn't care about position. In the end it doesn't matter whether you perform for a few people or a thousand, it's all the same.
Truth is that you need to appreciate the small if you want to get to the big, and experiences like these are vital to develop yourself. You need to start somewhere after all, and where that somewhere is doesn't matter. It's about following the road from that point on, walking it with determination and making your way to the top.

It's a shame we didn't get to play at the street festival that was also taking place yesterday evening, because that was big. Apparently we were a bit too late with getting ourselves signed in (2 days before hand). It's alright though, because in a few days we'll be performing in Baarlo for quite a lot of people since Sri Sri himself will be there to conduct a Health & Happiness Congress.
This will be from the first until the third of may and it's a truly unique opportunity to uplift yourself and witness the official release of the Yes We Can - Wonderful album!
We'll be there to promote the album, so check us out!
If you want more information, my friend Tom made a very nice video about this event. You can find it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMtrpn5gJc4.

Tomorrow I'll be back at Bad Antogast and then the blessing course will start. I'll have next to no free time because the music group needs to rehearse for the performance in Baarlo.
I can't wait to see Isaac again, oh and Iva too ofcourse haha ;)

The first blood has been tasted, and now we want more! I tell you, we'll rock Europe by the time we finish this project, it's gonna be awesome!
Maybe we'll visit your town, who knows...

Dresden

After a long night we arrived in Dresden this morning.
I think we arrived at 06:00, I was so tired cause I had trouble sleeping in the van.
It's a nice place though, we all sleep in 1 big room and we have enough space in the living room to do our sadhana in the morning.
It's funny that where ever we go there always seems to be a nice energy in the place we stay.
I think this energy is created by our presence. I heard Christoph (one of the CLP teachers) say the other day while I was in Dortmund, that people often let us stay in their houses because of the energy that we create by just being there.
It's not hard to imagine, after all it's us who give value to objects, not the other way around.

Anyway, so after this 8 hour trip we decided to get some sleep first. When we woke up we did our exercises and just had brunch. We got some skilled cooks in our team, I'm loving it!
So what are we supposed to do here? We're going to set up a concert, give an intro talk about the Art of Living and the courses we provide, and we need to help the local Art of Living center with whatever they're doing.
We're leaving monday morning early, cause we need to be back at 18:00 that same day since TTC2 will be starting then as well as the blessing course.
So we have a few days to make this concert happen, we're aiming to do this on saturday, so in the next 2 days we'll be contacting various institutions to help us set this up.
If things go well, we might even be able to raise some funds!

But enough talk, let's get to it. Game on!

Cast Away

I've been rehearsing with the music group today. We're gonna prepare something really cool, we'll have nice songs and some dancing. The thing is that everyone got his own talents, for example Sebastian is this amazing guitarist who's been playing for years and years so he really knows his stuff. He's taking lead in the rehearsals and we're going great.
Then you have Olga, a professional dancer from Russia. It's joy to watch her move and she can make a nice choreography for sure!
And don't forget about me, the rapper on the rise. I'll be spicing things up with my drumming and rapping, this is gonna be good. I tell you this is the most fun group cause we don't have to deal with all the bullshit other groups have to deal with. At least different kinds of bullshit, so that makes for a change from the usual.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that we're leaving tonight. Everyone. I don't know where we're going, they just told us to be ready at 21:00 having all your bags packed.
I'm like sure whatever, I rather be out there anyway. I just love surprises!

Wrote a new song today, it's called 'Together in Heaven' I know it sounds like a cheese ball love song but it aint! I juiced it up with some kinky lines, you can guess where I got the inspiration from. This is the 4th love song I wrote while I've been here.

So, time to pack my bags, I'll be back in a week. Catch ya later homies!

Music Tour!

Hey hey, I got some news for all you cats and dogs out there in Holland.

Because Sri Sri is coming to Holland in the first days of may, and that's when the Yes We Can album called 'Wonderful' will be released!

Yesterday I heard I was gonna be part of the music group, who will be traveling around Europe, mainly Germany and some nearby countries for now. 

And also Holland! We will be promoting the album when Sri Sri will be there, I still don't know in which place this event will happen, but for sure I know I'll be in Holland for a couple of days.

So if you want to see my pretty face again, you should come and check this shit out!

Yesterday I heard one of the songs that I recorded and it's sweet! It's a shame that we had so little time to record and produce, else it would've been better, but I'm pleased with the result none the less. 

The first part of TTC ended yesterday, we finished with a party, and I also had my private party.

Today some groups were send out again for a week to different places, mainly to prepare for the concerts that the music group will be performing. Stuff like finding a hall, doing PR, that sort of thing. My little girl left as well, and she even took Isaac! Next to that my friend August left the program, he's gonna do some stuff on his own.

A shame, because now I won't have anyone to make wrong jokes with. You know the thing with jokes, they're the most fun when they're not completely accepted in your enviroment. 

That which you're not supposed to do is often more attractive to do exactly because of that.

But hey, you gotta walk your own path, it's most important for a man to follow his core and not get distracted by small and insignificant things. I'm here to teach and perform, so that's what I'm gonna do. Anything else that'll be there on my path is something I'll gladly take along with me, but I won't let it drag me off of my way.

Always be aware of why you're doing something, and you won't get lost. At least not as easily.

Anyway, I'll be in Holland in the first days of may, so come and see me! I'll let you know exactly when and where. For now I'm off for lunch, laterz!

Welcome to TTC

I wasn't sure what to expect, but TTC is way different than CLP for sure.

The first day we heard that if we wanted to continue TTC, we'd have to give up all our individual rights and liberties. This is because the point of TTC is to move together as a group, it is about group awareness. Yesterday we had to hand in all our phones and computers, so there would be less contact with the outside world. 

Yes I know what you're thinking, I'm at a computer now, but that's why I said less; we still have computers in the cybercafe. Besides, our newsletter, The Source, must go on as well so it's not like the silence course in which we're not allowed to have any external communication or whatsoever.

Anyway, about TTC. This schedule is tough, if you thought getting up at 6 for yoga and meditation, followed by a day of learning processes and activities, concluded by a satsang until 10 in the evening was tight, then let me tell you: You aint seen nothing yet!

In TTC, the first thing we do in the morning is take a walk. At 05:00. So we have to get up at around 04:30 and we don't have any mobile phones to use as alarm clocks so the first person to wake up is responsible for waking up the others.

Next to that, the day is over at 23:00 instead of the usual 22:00, so you can figure how many hours of sleep you get each night. And it's only gonna get better because within a week they'll prolly have us get up at 03:00. Pretty much every 2 days the schedule is tightened until we sleep for about 3 to 4 hours each night. 

But when you eat healthy, and do your exercises, you'll see that 3 to 4 hours is enough. I must admit yesterday I was tired, it was actually the first time during my whole stay that I felt tired. And I've had about 5 to 6 hours of sleep a day on average. Today I feel fine though, as usual.

The only problem I've experienced is that you have next to no time for yourself during TTC. Ofcourse we knew this, but experiencing it is a different thing, especially since I got to know a really nice girl over the last couple of weeks in here, so you can imagine it's a pain to not being able to spend some proper time together.

But that's the way it is, and it's not gonna change for the next 10 days, it's only gonna get worse. So I say to myself, just enjoy TTC, do that thing you're here to do, and be grateful for anything else you get on top of that. And I am grateful, this is an amazing experience, a unique opportunity. Anyway, I'm off to the next session, today we had to dress up real nice for something we don't know yet, so I'm excited!

Ciao

Keeping State

The trip to Dortmund was a very valuable experience, especially because things didn't go as well as in Hamburg. This made me realize what to do when things go wrong, because I experienced that I just didn't know how to react to certain situations at times.

But it's a great learning experience, make new mistakes every day and learn from them is a good way to live and to grow.

So now I'm back here at the ashram and we're starting TTC. Yea can you believe it, TTC stands for Teacher Training Course which is way heavier than CLP.

Not everyone got to be on TTC, but I made it, and to be honest, I'm not suprised.

I just know I'm fit for this kind of thing, it's that simple. Recently not everyone has been taking responsibility in the way we would like it to be, so last night and this morning there was a whining session as I call it.

Fortunately, I missed the whining session of last night because I was doing something else which I'm not gonna share in detail, but you can take my word when I say I was having a blast and I was so happy to know that I missed a bunch of bullshit while having fun.

August and me were talking yesterday night about how some people are not really getting the point of all of it. They're so obsessed with giving 100% and taking responsibility and more importantly, looking if other people are just as devoted as they are. And that's when they get frustrated because other people, in their eyes, are not doing as much as they are.

So are you gonna be grumpy because of that? Lose your state over something you have no control of? This morning when people started complaining again, I asked - with a big smile on my face - why people were being annoyed. Then I took a drum and started playing, some people got so annoyed with me! They were saying like "oh my god we're in a session and you start playing, you're really not getting the point!" to which I replied "I think you're not getting the point, why aren't you smiling?".

You see my dear friends, most important of everything is to not lose state, whatever you do. Keep smiling, cause why wouldn't you. If something doesn't go the way you like it to go, don't complain, but fix it. Either by just accepting the situation or changing it, in this case supporting those who have more trouble than you with taking responsibility.

And don't see work and fun as seperate things, but combine them. And most important of all, don't take everything so goddamn serious!

I was telling August that we should have The Joker as an additional teacher here in the ashram, then all those grumpy faces might get enlightened and start to get what life is about.

I mean, was there any reason to do this whole Yes We Can program if you're just gonna be less happy than you were before?

Life is all about having state, when you're in state, you can make anything happen. And we all know we can't always win, that's why wanting to win all the time is only gonna make you miserable. It's not about the result, it's about how you play the game that's called life, and the strongest are those who keep their state even when they lose. And at that point you realize that you haven't really lost anything, because you got nothing to lose other than your state!

So TTC starting today, it's gonna be tough, but I can do it, so I will do it.

I love this stuff, and I'm learning more and more everyday. Oh and before I forget, Isaac is now officially Sri Sri's right hand, our teacher Kamlesh said so at least, and I got pictures to prove it!

How awesome is that?

Trip to Dortmund

A few days ago we got out of silence. It was a nice experience although it was a bit hard for me to shut up for about 2.5 days. I think I need to do this sometime again later, when I feel like doing it.

Cause silence is not just about being silent, it's about breaking any communication with a source outside of yourself.

So that also means no eye contact or reading books, internet, text messaging and so on.

Just being with yourself and nature, we did alot of meditations which were definately nice and we went out for walks to connect more to nature.

The thing is that during this time of silence I met this girl so we had some non-verbal communication so to say. To be honest, for me the only reasons why going back to the ashram was worth it was because of the recording, the concert and this girl.

If I hadn't been there it would've never happened after all. It was a bit weird to start a certain relationship in silence, but it does have it's charms I must say.

On the last day I wrote on a piece of paper that I would really like to talk to her, on which she replied "why? this is fun!". I giggled, it was fun indeed.

After silence all the groups who were out there, came back. Including my group who I left in Hamburg. It was really nice to see them again and hear about the successes.

A few days later the other half of the group, who stayed in the ashram during this whole time, would be sent to other cities, for 1 week. Because I came back earlier and had my silence course, they decided to send me again aswell. 

So now I'm going to Dortmund, leaving tomorrow morning! Never been there, so I'm very excited. I'm going with people that I know pretty well, so I have a good feeling about this.

This time we're going in groups of 4 though, instead of 9 what was done before. 

We should be back in a week because after that the TTC2 course will start. This is an advanced teacher training, which only a part of the group will be following. I would really like to do this myself, because then I can teach people the real workshops and not just Health & Happiness as they call it. But there will also be an artist group, traveling around to give performances. If I would be able to do my own thing within this group, I will definately consider doing that instead, cause it would be a great practice for my rapping.

But that's the future, let's focus on Dortmund first. The goal is to make preparations for a multicultural musical event in Dortmund. This means getting a location, partners and raising funds mainly. 

Isaac won't be coming with me though, I figured Iva needed him more, so I told him to take care of her since she'll be going to Holland, also for a week.

We had nice goodbye and next week I'll see her again. Plus my homie August will be back then from Iceland so I'll hear about all his crazy stories and I'll add a few of my own to that.

I also wrote a couple of new songs, one of them in like 2 hours and it's so good! Really, new experiences give me so much inspiration. I also feel like I've finally got a taste of something that's been absent in my life ever since I inhaled my first breath. And I have to say it's pretty much how I imagined it to be, Fuckin' A!

Seriously though, alot of cool things are going to happen in the coming months on all levels. Including the one mentioned above, it's really all a big process and I'm starting to get more and more insight into these things so I can actually steer these processes more consciously.

It's so important to communicate with eachother, lack of communication is the cause of all conflicts. Once you know about eachother's needs it's so much easier to share with eachother and be aware of what is happening. Then you really feel connected and that makes everything so magical. 

I'm talking a bit cryptic about things perhaps, it's just because there are things that I don't want to share in detail, but only in concept. So bear with me, I respect the wishes of others. 

Anyway, I'm out of here, still need to pack the car for tomorrow, get my laundry and pack my own bag. Like I said no Isaac this time, but he'll be fine in Holland with Iva.

Besides, I gave the condition she had to make pictures of Isaac, so his wish for becoming the world's most famous monkey will still be granted. He told me he eventually wants to meet Obama, and why not? Yes We Can!