Static Charge

I will be straight forward; so far I completely dislike my decision of staying here. It's not unexpected. After all, this is one of those decisions that only give pleasure at the end. I'm a hedonistic person usually; I seek for balance between short term pleasure and long term pleasure. But most of my decisions will always have some degree of short term pleasure. This one doesn't.

It was quite a disappointment to post phone the course. After all we put quite some effort in the last week, but there were no results. What went wrong? It's our team spirit which is the problem. We just don't sync. I really did my best to blend in, but it doesn't get me anywhere; it doesn't inspire me at all, and it only makes me feel weaker. So what did I do? I decided to start doing things my own way, but now the team spirit is completely lost. He doesn't even feel comfortable with me anymore.

So then, don't feel comfortable. Pussies don't get pussy, excuse my language. I'm tired of this weakness; I find it really repulsive. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a man not being a man. Don't get me wrong, I have my weak moments too, but when I do, the drill sergeant alter ego comes up in me and tells me to shut up and get on my feet. That's how we roll.

I remember one time in the dojo, there was this new kid doing a try-out lesson so to say. He looked like a girl and probably weighed even less. Then me and my friend were assigned to do some drills with him. I swear, I've never been so careful with someone; I was worried I'd break him in two if I hit him. I have that same feeling with Cezar. But it makes me wonder, maybe I'm just being weak for being afraid to break him. Maybe I should be merciless and just unleash and leave him no choice but to deal with it.

One of the grand masters of ninjutsu used to be a cry baby as a boy. His father sent him to his uncle, who was a fighter. His uncle gave him a hard time, but in the end he was cured of his mental disease so to say, and he became one of the most badass warriors that ever walked the earth. Now I don't see Cezar becoming a Takamatsu, but it's the only way to get tough.

We can teach each other a lot; that's how things work. Teaching never goes one way, it always goes both ways, and both parties benefit just as much. So I'll continue doing my thing, and embrace the moment in which the heavens will break open and thunder strikes the earth without mercy. Let me be that instrument. Give me that opportunity and I will gladly take it. Amen.

From Success to Success

What's the best way to move in life? From success to success. It's one of the learning points of the Yes+ course. It is because many people start something without ending it, and then start another thing; it's moving from failure to failure. The way to grow in life is to finish the things you started; moving from success to success. Of course, being an aspirant teacher it is of most importance to me that I live this knowledge. I should be a beacon of light.

This path is not an easy one; it's a path of taking responsibility for not only myself but also for others. Today I was faced with a really hard decision. As you know I was sick for a while, and the preparations for the course were not looking good. The last few days we've been working hard on getting people, but without result. Today this result was shown to us, and we realized there would be no course tomorrow.

So what to do? We decided to post phone the course to thursday the 12th of november. Since there are already some people interested, it would be good to keep the energy up and give it our best in the next 3 weeks to make it happen. Now while I was typing this, something amazing happened. But first, let me start at the beginning.

For a while, me and Iva have been planning our honeymoon; our little trip to Turkey. It was my wish to see her again around my birthday, and to be honest, the thought of seeing her again was going through my mind more than occasionally. I was really looking forward to seeing her; there's not a thing I wanted more. And then today I realize the course isn't happening. I realize if I leave, I would be leaving behind a failure, and would leave the organizing to Cezar alone for the coming 3 weeks. I can't do that, I have to stay.

So I wrote Iva a mail, telling her to cancel the flights that she's been booking. Then I went to Cezar and informed him of the new course dates and that I was going to stay. He was so happy! And then 5 minutes later, as I was writing this, he came in and told me how he was praying just before I came into his room, about how he was gonna make it all work out. And then I entered the room; I suppose God works in mysterious ways. He gave me his picture of Guruji and told me to keep it.

So 3 weeks from now, our course will start. We will make sure we have enough people, more than enough. And then I will be able to find my way to my beloved lady with a clear mind and a clean conscience. Moving from success to success.

Post phoning my trip to Zagreb was a decision that struck my heart, but it's important that we make decisions with our head. A good leader doesn't mix head with heart. After all, it's just a small sacrifice for the greater good. I mean what is 3 weeks of time really? I'll get over it. Already am.

Juicy Livin'

I feel I'm starting to get better again. I'm not there yet, but after the weekend I should be fully operational. The last few days I've been living on a diet of orange juice, prescribed by my caring little lady. Let the juice flow through the veins! More important is not to eat; it's just that juices don't need to be digested so you can give your body the nutrition it needs, without having to activate the digestive system.

I always used to think you have to eat, especially when you're sick, but it's not like this. The higher the fire in our stomach, the higher our immune system. If you surpress it by eating too much, your defenses weaken and you might get ill. So it's important to not surpress it when you're sick! That's why you don't have much of an appetite when you're ill. The body already knows what to do, do you?

Juicy livin'. I love juice. It's light and full, sweet and sour, and it comes every colour. I need to get myself a portable juicer or blender, so I can make juice out of anything! Fruits, veggies, some nuts, don't forget a pube or two. It's that little extra; you're worth it!

For sure that if this was a widely known blog, some stupid American would actually try that. It's funny that when I think of stupid people I always think of men. When I picture something like that happening in my head it will never be a woman! So are women smarter than men, or would I like to believe there are no such stupid women around cause it's unattractive?

I think women are stupid and men clueless. Mix it together, make it a juice. Clueless stupidity? Jim Carrey is good at playing that. I saw Dumb and Dumber the other day; I was cracking up so much I almost drowned in my tears of joy. Most comedies I don't find so funny, but with Jim Carrey I always enjoy. His talent to make himself look ridiculous wins it for me. Thing is, you need to be completely unemberassed for this to be possible. You can't give 100% in making yourself look ridiculous when you feel emberassed, and it's this unemberassing 100% that makes it so epic!

If you can pull those stunts on hot women, then your game is on! Just remember to keep it juicy, like you should keep everything juicy. Juicy Livin' - Full of Juice.

Still Sick

I'm still sick, even though it has got a bit less. The day before yesterday was definitely the worst; I couldn't sleep cause of my tonsils. They're still huge, but at least my head doesn't feel like it can explode any second. But the most annoying thing is that my nose is completely blocked; I can't breathe properly, and this would make the healing process much faster.

I was thinking that if my tonsils would get even bigger, i'd have no choice but to have them removed, but luckily this is not the case. Besides, the thought that the doctor could inject me against swine flu makes me wanna stay away.

Yesterday I took a hot bath and I must say that was amazing! It's been a while since I took a bath, so I had almost forgotten how good it was. Afterwards I went to bed and I was just steaming under the blankets. When I woke up I already felt a lot better.

Anyway, as uncomfortable as it is to be sick, it is also really inconvenient at this point. The course is supposed to start in 1 week, but I really can't go outside in this condition. I think it will take 2 more days before I can go out, and then we only have a few more days to get all those participants. So it's not really looking good, although there is always room for miracles like the one we had in Dresden. I suppose time will tell.

Peaceful Warrior

It's official; I'm sick.
My tonsils are huge, got a bad cough and am bit feverish.
After seeing the episode of southpark where cartman gets his tonsils removed I never wanna have it come to that! But really, I believe there's a reason they're there so that's why they should stay. Anyway, I got some good medicine here, so I should be able to get back to rocking the world soon enough. Ayurvedic baby, fuck the chems.

Yesterday I watched Gladiator again, I think I've seen it like 4 times now, and everytime I watch it gives me the chills up my spine again. Last time I saw it was quite some time ago, and this time the experience was more intense than ever before.
Being more connected to myself nowadays, I can imagine that I'm more sensitive to things that resonate with a forgotten part of me. I believe we're more than just our bodies; all that we are in the physical world is just an expression of our true selves: Consciousness. That's why people who meditate have stronger brain waves, which is just an indicator of that which lies beneath.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that even though I was already pretty sure that I've been in the military in a past life, the feeling only grows stronger. Especially in the opening scene I felt a rush I've never felt so strong before. It's ironic that even though I'm so against war on a rational level, I cannot help but to be fascinated by it at the same time. I would really like to do my eternity process; finding out about my past lives to get a better insight into myself.

The warrior's path is what I want to walk, but I'll fight against ignorance. All I want in life is a warrior's death; giving my life for something good. It will be worth it.

Words of Wisdom

Nice shit going on in Dresden. I went on friday to see Guruji's speech at the Hilton, and it was really amazing. Every time he speaks, he manages to answer the unasked questions. I was quite a bit disturbed lately by different things, small things. I was really wondering why I got shaken up so easily, cause that's so not me. And then there he starts talking about how everything changes, and that in order to perceive change we have to have something that does not change. This thing is what spirituality is; that what does not change.

Like being in a plane. You sit relaxed in your chair, but imagine that the chair itself moves as well! It would be quite a chaotic flight. So we need something that's grounded in order to be able to move properly, and the way to feel this thing that does not change, is to just relax. Simple words, yet every time I hear it, it gets a deeper meaning. Wisdom is beautiful and simple.

So that was yesterday, today we went to this world culture forum where Guruji was handed the world culture award. Because he's been having such big successes in bringing people of different religious, cultural, and political groups together. It's important to have this sense of belonginess if you want to live a rich life; why would you only love your friends and family when you can experience a so much deeper and less superficial love for everyone? This man is great, I tell you, once again!

With the upcoming chapter of destruction in the world, there will be a lot of opportunity for change. Destruction or transformation, however you want to call it, is not a bad thing. In fact, I believe everything eventually happens for good; so the mass murders that will happen within 10 years would be no exception. I suppose that all the chaos that comes along with it will provide endless opportunities to reshape the world, creating a society which is based on human values instead of profit.

So today I came back from Dresden, I feel I'm starting to get a little bit sick. We have a lot of work to do here, because time is ticking fast, and we still need to get ourselves 40 participants for the basic course that will start in 2 weeks. Not an easy task, but definitely possible; I have plenty of ideas to implement in order to speed things up a bit.

Most of all, I'm very happy that I decided to go to Dresden when I did, to help the other guys with their Yes!+ course. It was really amazing how the atmosphere changed so rapidly; I remember arriving there when the energy was so low, there was very little enthousiasm and pretty much no faith. It was awesome how in a few days this mood changed completely, and finally the course actually happened.

It is important to realize that you're never walking alone, there will always be people there for you when you need them. And if not, then the Divine will take care. Anyhow you'll be fine, so don't be afraid to fail. Just know, that nobody likes to help lazy people. When you give 100%, for sure you will be able to find support! You're not alone.

FUBAR

FUBAR.
Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.
A popular phrase from the movie Saving Private Ryan. Why do I start off with something like this? Well, to give my message maximum effect I will keep it crisp and clear.

Remember I talked about swine flu? That it was in fact a man made virus, and that the vaccinations which will be forced onto us are the real poison? For details, check the link that I put in that post (http://www.globalresearch.ca/index.php?context=va&aid=14475).
Now, some people may think that I was just being weird and talking crazy, but the time has come that will justify my warning back then. In America, preparations for mass vaccinations are going at full speed. Think about microchips implented in your body, which contain all sorts of information, think about martial law; think about road blocks, check points.

Yes this is it people, it's judgement day. The fate of many people will be decided in the coming years, most of us will die. I don't want to sound dramatic, but it's simply the truth. How this could happen in our utopia? Well, there never was an utopia to begin with. Humanity has been enslaved for centuries, but we've just been living in a matrix. Ironically movies can be close to the truth. The fact that we'd have to imagine such a truth proves the effectivity of the dream world that has been shapen around us.

Anyway, I feel I'm making this too long. To all you 'I'll-believe-it-when-I-see-it' people out there: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl8za3dBSZk. Watch it now, and show it to others. Everyone should know what is happening in America, because it will definately happen here as well. Unless we do something. Are you prepared? I doubt it, but I will tell you what I will do.

First of all, I have the utmost faith in my well being. There is nothing out there that can touch me. Besides, I got far too much work to do in this world for me to be allowed to die young.
Secondly, I do not fear. I will lead myself, I will not let fear lead me. Fear is a lying voice in your head that can only bring you misery. When you give in to fear, you're selling your soul to the devil.

I would've made a great priest in the medievals no doubt, but know that my poetic language has nothing to do with religion. This is real fucked up shit going on. Of course, if you take your vaccination as a good citizen you will not be harmed, but would you ever harm a slave who's putting on his own cuffs? I can tell you there will be detention camps for people who disobey the law, and I don't want to imagine what will go on inside there.

Anyway, I'm fighting the Good Fight against the fearful. With a gattling gun full of love, I got endless ammunition, and I will pump you full of it until all the fear and hatred inside you has died. I take no prisoners, and heck even if I fall I'll make sure that there will be a thousand peaceful warriors who will inspire thousands more. This is the fucking 300 against the vast and ignorant army of slaves, driven by their fears of the lash.

That we'll win is inevitable, but I might have to reincarnate a few times before I put the last motherfucker out of his misery. The night is darkest before the dawn, the world will be more than ever before FUBAR, but there's a bright future ahead.

Dresden Reloaded

Back in the city of... what is Dresden famous for? Right, back to the city of allied war crimes. In a few days Sri Sri will arrive here to have a speech and receive some cultural kind of award. I don't know man, there's so many awards out there; who cares. The man himself probably doesn't; he's there for the people.

Marcus and Konstantinos of YWC were in Dresden to organize Yes!+, but so far there were not so many sign ups. Time for me to lend a hand! Today we went to the university, classes haven't really started yet, but there was a class for high school graduates to stuff them with some extra algebra before they start the real work. I went there completely unprepared which did not leave us much for a result, but at least it was a decent intro talk. I didn't have any proper papers to have people sign up, so it was just a talk.

But it was good! I'm starting to get the hang of this stuff. I introduced myself, said that I came from Amsterdam and asked if anyone went there during summer. Someone raised her hand "so was it good?", she replied "yes!", so I went "ofcourse!". Laughter, ice broken. Simple. A kid can do the laundry. It doesn't matter whether you talk to one person or 200; it's all the same. You just gotta be natural. No need to be nervous, nobody in the public has the balls to stand up against you anyway. Speak clearly, don't be afraid to pause, don't feel rushed, make eye contact. You can even check out the audience before you start talking. However I had 3 minutes so I didn't do that.

Balls make the world go 'round. I heard today about this guy who was telling everyone that he was gonna perform a concert because he could play 40 instruments. A lot of people had come, and then he started playing, but he didn't really have much of a clue; he was just jamming a bit and not really making any music! People were saying "oh my god this is horrible", but the lesson was that you should have a certain innocence in everything you do. This guy just didn't give a shit about what other people would think; he was just there to enjoy himself! Self amusement, but not as a means, more as a goal. I think it's very important that you can enjoy yourself.

I also think this innocence is very important, why not be like a child? Why not explore the possibilities instead of staying on the road that you walked so many times before. The road that leads to the same result, making no change in your life. Be ready to lose, for you do not have anything anyway. Life is about losing, it's about losing your fears, hate, anger, and insecurity. When you have lost all that is possible to lose, then you are left with only yourself. Even our body is not ours, we just borrowed it. You're not your body, you're not your feelings, you're not your thoughts. You're only one thing, and that's the sunshine of your life.

Magnificent

Swimming in women, champagne sippin'. Gold emblem with two M's in it. This living is so magnificent, stop dreaming it, I'm living it. Sung by John Legend featuring in Rick Ross' Magnificent. Yes this sounds like something for me, except for the champagne. At times I get tired of relationships, all that shit. Why would I settle for that? I can share my love with the world instead, any woman who has me for herself can be considered fortunate. I want some peace, if I don't have anything I can't lose anything. So please, strip me of everything, so all I have left is that which is really me. And that will be all I have to offer to the world. It will be enough.

And from that point I'll build my empire, the tallest trees have the deepest roots. I'll turn myself into a show off having a gold emblem with two M's in it; haters can't tell me nothing. Talk to the hand, which has more bling than all your past lifes together. I'll be such an asshole that people will not take the trouble to get to my richez. The only people who'll know me are those who are determined to find the soft warm hearted guy inside. And they will, cause I am; the self is always coming through.

Maybe I won't be able to act like a jerk, but I'll give it my best shot. I'll start with the music, Scumbach Music to be exact. So will it be worth it? Will it pay to be single? Cause I don't like to be in demand as a person. I just want to lead people to the other side, but I'm not the doer, no sir. I don't do anything significant in this universe, I'm just a spectator; enjoying the show. I don't care what it takes to get people to join the boat. Once they see what I see they will stop looking at me anyway. No more relationships then? I don't know man, often it's actually the guys who are taken that are in demand. Single guys must be assholes; nobody can put up with them. I want to be an asshole, but I'm just too sweet.

Bitches rather have sweet dicks than assholes. Sweet girls want dicks, so my girl can't be sweet. Or maybe I am a dick and just under the impression that I'm sweet. Or maybe my girl is a bitch. Or maybe she's a sweet girl under the impression that she's a bitch. Wow, what a personality crisis; we both got ourselves completely fooled. If she wants to be a bitch, then I suppose I'll just be sweet. But remember that someday I'll turn into a complete dick. You've been warned! Better pray that I won't get that gold emblem with two M's in it. It's okay, I'm magnificent either way.

First Steps

I'm the proud father of a brand new baby.
I'm not talking about Iva's kiddo (don't tell her, she'll freak!); that's still a few months due. No, I'm talking about my very first beat! Recently I got myself some software and started playing.
Of course I was unfortunate enough to lose my first project due to technical errors, but apparently it was meant to be cause I immediately went to work on a second one which turned out to be quite good! I had already written a piece of text and it fit the sound perfectly. With the beat ready, it was easy to complete the lyrics and hence "Eyes Wide Shut" was born.

Yes indeed; named after the movie with Tom Cruise who discovers some secret society of perverted elitists. I'll not spoil the movie so I leave it at that, but it's enough to understand the message of the song; you are responsible for keeping your eyes shut.

I've already started on something new, I'm still unsure what it's gonna be; maybe some drum 'n' bass actually! Beat making is easier for me than composing with my limited musical knowledge. But man, producing music is not easy, at all. Especially the fine tuning takes a lot of effort. Little things here small things there; if it aint perfect it aint worth it. Mastering a track is something I'm still clueless about; you play with all the buttons on the screen and when you think it sounds decent, you put on some Rick Ross and you just get blown away. How do they do that? Pro's I tell you, pro's.

Not that becoming a professional producer is something I want to do anyway; I just wanna be able to make some music so I can express myself. When I get home I'm taking my mic with me so I can actually record some tracks while I'm traveling around.

As for Art of Living stuff, we're doing pretty well here in Leipzig; we got a hall, and some people. Not enough but we still have time to get more. Also I want to organize a concert for the MDGs or Millenium Development Goals set by the UN for 2015. This process needs to be speed up cause our leaders have been slacking big time. Oh yea right, charity doesn't get you paid; the world is easily understood when you realize how shallow society is; taking more than giving. Karma can't be escaped tho; motherfuckers will get served. A cold dish.

Anyway, plan is to invite local bands for the concert, and have myself do the opening act. But that is still far away; bureaucracy ain't my friend cause I don't have time to deal with her. Paperwork is given to those who do not have the money to buy their way through. There is more trust in the paper than in the people; something must be terribly wrong. Time for war, destroy it all so we can build a proper system next time.

Man I must've drank something wrong, whatever I start talking about I end up spitting shit about the world. Whatever, I don't care. Why do we care so much about money when it's value can diminish to zero just like that? Money doesn't hold any inherent value; it is our trust in it that gives it value. So when the economy crashes, it simply means we're losing trust in our money. Why build society around something that is so fragile and so easily manipulated? Our civilization has no roots, we don't know who we are, we don't know why we're here. And MTV aint gonna give you any answers; it just distracts you from what it going on.

Wake the fuck up.

The only terrorists in this world are those who bring fear in our hearts. It's the worst disease you can be infected with. It is not some made up group of Arabics who preach their beliefs that make you fear; it's the media who show us a twisted image of other people; our people. The only thing that keeps our perverted society alive is ignorance.