Static Charge

I will be straight forward; so far I completely dislike my decision of staying here. It's not unexpected. After all, this is one of those decisions that only give pleasure at the end. I'm a hedonistic person usually; I seek for balance between short term pleasure and long term pleasure. But most of my decisions will always have some degree of short term pleasure. This one doesn't.

It was quite a disappointment to post phone the course. After all we put quite some effort in the last week, but there were no results. What went wrong? It's our team spirit which is the problem. We just don't sync. I really did my best to blend in, but it doesn't get me anywhere; it doesn't inspire me at all, and it only makes me feel weaker. So what did I do? I decided to start doing things my own way, but now the team spirit is completely lost. He doesn't even feel comfortable with me anymore.

So then, don't feel comfortable. Pussies don't get pussy, excuse my language. I'm tired of this weakness; I find it really repulsive. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a man not being a man. Don't get me wrong, I have my weak moments too, but when I do, the drill sergeant alter ego comes up in me and tells me to shut up and get on my feet. That's how we roll.

I remember one time in the dojo, there was this new kid doing a try-out lesson so to say. He looked like a girl and probably weighed even less. Then me and my friend were assigned to do some drills with him. I swear, I've never been so careful with someone; I was worried I'd break him in two if I hit him. I have that same feeling with Cezar. But it makes me wonder, maybe I'm just being weak for being afraid to break him. Maybe I should be merciless and just unleash and leave him no choice but to deal with it.

One of the grand masters of ninjutsu used to be a cry baby as a boy. His father sent him to his uncle, who was a fighter. His uncle gave him a hard time, but in the end he was cured of his mental disease so to say, and he became one of the most badass warriors that ever walked the earth. Now I don't see Cezar becoming a Takamatsu, but it's the only way to get tough.

We can teach each other a lot; that's how things work. Teaching never goes one way, it always goes both ways, and both parties benefit just as much. So I'll continue doing my thing, and embrace the moment in which the heavens will break open and thunder strikes the earth without mercy. Let me be that instrument. Give me that opportunity and I will gladly take it. Amen.