A Revelation

Today was an amazing day, truly amazing. I must say that our teacher for the blessing course, I hope I spell her name right, Rajshri, is a brilliant woman. We had these meditations and after that she was talking about all the underlying frustrations and agitations our group was suffering from.
I knew exactly what she meant, because I've been amazed at times how people could still be so stressed out and frustrated about small things while you're here, doing kriya everyday and meditating in such a lovingly enviroment. It's all about letting go of feelings and emotions, allowing them to pass through your body so they won't get stuck, so you won't get stuck.

Then she emphasized the importance of our exercises and how we are so fortunate to know this at such an early age. She pointed out all the adult people who are so stuck with their feelings and emotions at a later age. I was thinking to myself that I already see young people stuck with themselves, imagine the misery when they grow older, after losing their youth.
Whoever said that life is a suffering, it was probably one of those people.
Anyway, then me, being the smartass, pointed out that I felt much better now than I did when I was 16. Then she lashed out at me and said I was one of the cockiest people around here and she asked the whole class to raise their hand if they found me arrogant.
I think about 80% raised their hands. I smiled.
After that she chewed me out a bit more, but it was nothing I couldn't handle, and that was exactly why she picked on me at that moment. I thought she was just frustrated or something, but she actually used me to vent out some of the frustrations that were distorting the entire group.
This she told me after the process around dinner time, when I came to her and asked for clarification. I completely understand why she did it and also the message she was trying to get across to me personally. You might have read in previous posts that now and then I would make fun of some people's behaviour because I thought they were missing the point.
What she wants me to do is to share my knowledge and help people grow, instead of just observing the circus and making it a private comedy show for myself. This also explains wh 80% of the people thought I was arrogant, because I don't experience myself as such, and neither did she.
Think about it, you do something and some guy starts laughing at you, you don't feel being taken seriously and it seems as if he thinks he's better than you. I must say that my intention was to make a point everytime I would criticize something with humor, but it's very unclear to people who are not on that same level. That's why August was the only guy who was always laughing with me about the jokes I made in these kind of contexts.
We just isolated ourselves from the group, observed and made fun of the chaos that was happening, cause we saw what was going on, and the people involved were just getting carried away by their emotions and reactiveness.

So I learned something very valuable today, I need to share more of myself to help people grow. After all, this is an important reason why I joined this program, to help people grow. It's so amazing, she really gave me a wonderful insight. I thanked her sincerely.
It must run in the family, she's alwesome, Kamlesh is awesome. I'm very grateful that these 2 are teaching me here, because they're the kind of teachers I need. Direct and merciless, yet with love and compassion. It's not so far from my own personality, maybe that's why!

That's all for tonight, I'll be on my way to Holland within 24 hours. Gonna get some sleep, rehearse more tomorrow and then it's time to kick ass...for 15 minutes hahaha.
But really, it's quite an opportunity, performing in front of about 1000 people. If you would've told me this a year ago I would've laughed in your face. One of the best things in life is suprising yourself again and again, so try out new things, don't be scared to chase your dreams and for the love of God, don't let anybody tell you that you can't do it.

Socratez out.