Who the Fuck

When you pass by the Art of Living Academy in the Black Forest, you'll no doubt see a newly added refreshing paint on the walls. Why would I mention this? Because it's done by me, at least a part of it. The lower walls of the building are brown now instead of white, I guess they wanted to conceal the dirt. Anyway, I guess colour is in the name; it's no coincidence that I painted it brown.
Doing seva hasn't given me much satisfaction so far. I tried to get my head empty by keeping my hands busy, but in fact I only found peace when I started observing myself.
I understand why seva would work but I suppose it doesn't really work for me. I'm not a laborer, that sounds so aristocratic, but it's true. Or I make it true. Whatever, it works for me. I should've been born in the Classical Greek Age and discuss with Plato how the perfect state would look like.

Maybe I was, in a past life. Who knows, I still need to do this eternity process. I'll most likely find out that I was in the military recently, it's so obvious that all I need is a simple confirmation. Today Dominika and Natalia said I look so much friendlier, but they couldn't figure out why. But eventually they concluded that it was because of my hair; I haven't shaved it for a while so it's slightly longer than usual now. So there's the proof: I really am a nice guy.

Ever since I came to the ashram on tuesday, things have been really weird. I don't know why, I just feel strange. I was trying to get some lyrics done the other day, but in 20 minutes I only managed to write down one line! My head was such a mess, I couldn't come up with anything decent. Then I threw my little notebook next to me on the couch and went grumpy. So 2 minutes later I picked it up again and started writing, it went well, finally. Today I finished the second verse, now I just need to finish the chorus. I figured this song is gonna be about who the fuck I am, told in a humorous way. I've been searching for my artistic identity lately; I'm looking for the perfect translation from my character to my lyrical equivalent. And I must say I'm getting closer everytime I write another song. I've already decided that this is going to be the second song on my album, after the introduction which is going to be in dutch.

But let's change the subject. Today Camille really surprised me. You see, I sent a mail earlier in the morning about me and Iva wanting to be together in the same town. I gave him a few arguments why this would be good for both our personal and Art of Living interests and ended with saying that Khani should send us some food. I didn't expect much for an answer but I figured it couldn't do any harm to restate my thoughts once more. After all, y'all know I'm persistent, because eventually it tends to work out for me. I won't say "so it did once again!" because the last word hasn't been said yet, and I'm well aware of karma biting me hard in my ass when I make bold statements. However, I can say that Camille - after going into my arguments - was actually quite forthcoming! Not out of empathy for my situation though, it was more along the lines of: I'm getting really tired of having to track you down everytime to see if you're following orders, so please, have it your way, but then you gotta do it my way too. Which comes down to me and Iva in the same city, following his plan. It's a good compromise, both our energies will be working with eachother instead of against eachother.

However Kamlesh and Christoph still need to give the green light for this idea. I can't imagine Kamlesh would be too bothered by this, he's too busy with his own stuff anyway. And Christoph promised me he would send us somewhere together sometime. So this is a major achievement! But it's still not worth a dime if it's not all the way. Almost is still not. And not is still shit, and nobody wants shit. Talking about shit; eat falafels and pide for a week and see how your shit looks like.

Anyway, I arranged for a ride to Mainz on sunday evening. I will meet up with Iva, Neringa and Emanuelles then. It still remains to be seen whether I stay there or if Iva comes with me to Osnabruck. I suppose both places are nice, so it doesn't really matter. It's just that I still have some stuff of my own in Osnabruck; nothing that I can't miss though. And I still have some of their stuff that I was supposed to bring back from the ashram.
Small inconveniences, small problems for which there will be small solutions. But I'll be reunited with my sushi and my cherry! And not just that, but it's also legit! No more need fo' hustle.
Clean sheet, dirty sheats ahahaha.

One last note; this evening my friend Jan from Holland called me up to see how I was doing. I was telling him that I was doubting whether I should stay for a year or 6 months. He replied like "Oh my God you're having the most fun atm, traveling around and meeting new people, while I'm at school reading books. I'm envying you, and you dare to complain to me? Look at where you are now". I said "I'm looking at the Black Forest" and he continued "See that's what I'm talking about! How can you not be grateful for that". He was so right, I really felt shaken up in a good way. Sometimes it's good to have someone from outside the program make you realize how lucky you are and that you should be grateful for such an unique opportunity. After a while I tend to take things for granted, it's important to be aware of this and take every moment as being given to you. So thanks Jan, I was about to fall asleep when you opened my eyes there.

I will stay for a year, for sure. That's my word.