The Long and Winding Road

1st of januari, 2010

Life can be strange. I met Guruji today, and I explained to him why I couldn’t go to India, and that I wanted to teach Yes+. He then asked me if I wanted to do it full time, I said no. Then he said “ok, then you go home, do some work, and then come to India”. I first interpret it as doing some work for Art of Living, but he actually meant ‘real work’ so to say, according to Katya. She said that it would give me time to make up my mind about what I want, “but I know what I want!” she then said that I denied his offer to work full time. Yes, so what, am I going to end up a full time teacher?

I don’t know what to think of it, but I’ll just think as far as I can see, and leave the rest to God. Maybe I’ll end up a full time teacher someday, but I cannot see this day coming yet, you never know I suppose. Anyway, the cool thing is that he actually confirmed the plan that I had made for myself; living in Amsterdam with Iva, doing some work, and organizing Yes+ to teach together with Ajay and Juliette.

I have a very good feeling about this new year; who knows what’s in store! It’s like a gift wrapped present. Fred, the camera expert, told me I could borrow the studio upstairs one of these days to do some recording, so I’m really happy with that. At least I can make some good recordings then, and make a track out of it. Let’s see, cause I think my audio card may be insufficient. The technical problems that I’ve been experiencing during recordings with the mic that I brought from home, are definitely audio card related, but there’s always a way!

And Iva, my little angel, after all the stuff I wrote down for the song, I really have nothing to add. I’m hollow and empty, just feeling good, great, fantastic! I was going to say that YWC is one of the best things I’ve ever done, but I think everything I did was perfect in its own way. Society teaches us that we have to act like this or that in order to be successful, and this narrow view gets imprinted so heavily that we tend to completely lose track of our own development.

In a perspective of society, YWC is definitely a good thing on my CV, but would I ever have gotten to this point without the steps that I took in the past? And really, I don’t care about those things anymore, these things only matter if you think they matter. People are still spiritual creatures, whether they want to believe it or not; in the end everyone will realize this.

Anyway, looking back on the past few years I have no regrets. I see so many people coming to the ashram here, bringing with them so much luggage from the past! It always amazes me how much shit people are carrying with them through time. They keep it somewhere, and even in the happiest moments it will eventually drag them down again because of it. The ashram is a place of healing, but wouldn’t it be nice to have the knowledge with you in your daily life, and not get shaken by the things happening to you?

People ask all these questions about love, ask him what they should or should not do. Just live your life! Don’t think too much about it, because especially if you’re with him, you’ll see that the pieces will fall in place soon enough. Now I don’t say to not make plans about the future, but for God’s sake please don’t get stuck in all this thinking. I can tell because I was very much living in my head before, and as much as I can appreciate my intellect; it doesn’t allow me to understand life itself, because life is so much bigger than intellect. Mahatma Gandhi said that problems cannot be solved in the same consciousness that created them, and that’s exactly it.

But huh, this is getting too long now. After the weekend I’ll be leaving Bad Antogast again, to a destination yet unknown. Like a gift wrapped present; just be grateful!